Million Reasons
by jessiestar
Summary: Spencer and Ashley broke up at the end of high school, with them both being heartbroken. They have both moved on and are loving very different, unexpected lives. What happens when they see each after so long? Will they pick up where they left off or has there been too much damaged done?
1. chapter 1

Chapter 1

Looking over at the perfect little human lying next me I can't help but smile to myself. He has my eyes, my laugh and my sense of adventure. I adore these moments when it is just the two of us and everything is peaceful and calm. He is starting to stir a little bit later than normal but it's summer break so he has been staying up a little bit later. Once those little eyes open I smile so widely and he matches me.

"Momma what you looking at?" A gruff little voice asks me as he stretches.

"The most handsome boy in Santa Cruz" I reply pulling him into hug, he lets me kiss him on the head and then he is sat up right as if he suddenly remembered what day it was.

"Momma when does it start?" My little twin asks bouncing on the bed with messy brown curls.

"Not yet buddy. How about we have some breakfast first?" I suggest checking the clock which confirms that is only 6am.

"Where's Daddy?" He asks which brings my little dream come crashing down. I like to imagine it's just the two of us sometimes, just me and my shadow.

"Daddy gets back in later and is going to meet us here before we go to the beach" I tell him making him smile even bigger before he runs out of my bedroom.

"Brush your teeth first Holden" I request as he disappears down the hall way.

I push myself out of bed, opening the curtains revealing the most beautiful view. My bedroom over looked the beach which provided me with some comfort and relaxation. Although to be honest it's not like a lived a wild life that required me to relax at any point. In fact my life was quiet and sometimes mundane, I wouldn't change a thing as long as I have Holden. Yes I didn't expect to be a housewife at 27, I thought I'd still be travelling the world causing chaos but those days are long gone.

I brush my long, dark brown hair in the mirror and consider getting some highlights added but that thought is pushed aside once I realise I don't really care about impressing anybody any more. Holden doesn't care what colour my hair is or whether I'm wearing a new perfume, he's a 5 year old boy after all.

My eyes catch the only photograph from my wedding day that is displayed on my dressing table. I smile to myself as I know at that moment Holden was growing inside me and it wasn't long until I got to meet him. I also can't help but let out a sigh thinking about how this was nowhere near the happiest day of my life which everybody insisted on telling me it would be including my sister who was the only family member to attend. That photograph represents the end of my old life and it makes me sad sometimes but then I think about my little boy and I remember that it was worth giving up everything for him.

Down the stairs Holden is already sat in front of the television with the weather on, watching intently. At 5 years old you would't expect him to understand about tides, swells and knots but he does. That boy loves the surf more than anything and would choose a board over any toy or computer game. I suppose it's my influence but he takes it to a whole new level and fuck is he good already. His Father, my husband doesn't really have much interest in surfing or the beach in all honesty but he would do anything for Holden and I which is why we live on the beach in a surf town rather than a big city which is hid preference.

I turn off the television and move my son to the kitchen table which is situated in front of a ceiling to floor length window that perfectly shows off the views of Santa Cruz. Holden attempts to moan but I give him the look and settles to his chair while I fix breakfast.

"Momma can we surf before the competition" Holden asks as I hand him some freshly squeezed orange juice.

"Sorry little dude we can't the beach is closed off for the competition but I promise we can go tomorrow morning" I start chopping fruit up for breakfast while I watch my so draw another picture of us surfing.

"Momma how come Daddy is away so much? Dylan's daddy takes him to school every day and so does his Momma"My heartbreaks a little for my son, yes we were a 'family' but not in the traditional sense. I married Holden's father Jack 5 years and 6 months ago, basically when I found out I was pregnant. I think Jack loved me a some point but that soon disappeared and now my husband spends more time in New York for work than he does with us. I am 99% sure he has a girlfriend but I am not even remotely annoyed or jealous. I don't love Jack, I never have and never will but he gave me this life and saved me from a life I was't ready to live.

"Daddy has to work really hard baby, I know I makes you sad sometimes but you have me and Auntie Kyla.

"I love Auntie Kyla" He tells me and I smile, thank god for my sister. That's something I never thought I would say even in my inner musings.

"She loves you too bud. Do you want waffles or pancakes?"

"Just fruit please" He replies quietly.

"Holden we aren't leaving before 9am so you might as well eat a proper breakfast" I know his game, he wants a quick breakfast so he can get to the beach sooner.

"Ugh fine I'll have waffles"He sighs and I smile as I wonder when the full Davie's attitude will kick in.

I hear the side door open and I already know who it is, again I smile to myself. I grab two coffee mugs and start pouring.

"Little dude have you grown over night?" My sister asks as she picks up Holden and gives him a kiss. He squirms away with a red face and gives me a look as if say I need to do something to stop the Kyla from kissing him.

"Auntie Kyla are you coming to the beach?" He asks as Kyla walks towards me looking sweaty from her run.

"I have work this morning dude but I will pop by later" She promises as she gratefully takes the mug of coffee from me. How she goes for a run and the drinks hot coffee is beyond me. I can't help but be a bit jealous that she can go running in the morning, I have to wait until the evening when Kyla comes over. That is my only rest bite between 5-7 and as much as I love my son I still like some time to myself. Kyla used to babysit so Jack and I could have date nights but they fizzled out by the time Holden was about 18 months. Even when we did have them it was strained and time seemed to stand still.

"Penny for them?" Kyla asks pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Just having one of those days when I think too much" I reply with a sigh as I head to the decking in the back yard. I start laying out the breakfast goods, deciding it is far too beautiful to be hiding inside.

"Ash talk to me" We have this conversation often, in fact it is getting more often.

"Jack is back to tonight" I reply changing the subject making Kyla roll her eyes.

"Ash you need to put a stop to this. You are miserable and Holden is so smart that he will start noticing soon if you are not careful" she tells me like I'm not already fully aware of my current situation.

"'It's not that bad and Holden has a great life here. He adores Jack, he loves school, he loves this house….I can't take that away from him Kyla. I made a commitment Kyla and I need to stick to it" I explain for what felt like the 100th time this month alone. I know that my sister has my best interests at heart but she doesn't full understand everything.

"Ashley that boy worships the ground you walk on and he would be happy anywhere on this planet as long as you were there. I hate seeing you like this, I hate that I can't make it better and I hate it even more that you are not telling me the whole truth"

"You shouldn't say hate Auntie Kyla, it's not nice" Holden mumbled as he joined us on the decking already bored of drawing. I raised my eyebrows at Kyla to warn her to drop the subject now.

"You're right dude, I am very sorry. Right I need to scoot as I have to be at work. Holden I will see you at the beach. Ash we will talk later" Kyla said as she headed onto the beach. Holden offered a waved as Kyla headed off while I flipped her the bird (Holden wasn't looking).

"Can't wait!" I sigh as I take a seat next to my son so we can enjoy breakfast just to the two of us. Agin the world is peaceful, calm and I am genuinely happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I have now honked the horn 4 times, called his phone 5 times with no response. I have had no coffee and I am now edging closer to murder. I grab my blonde hair and tie it into a loose ponytail as it is starting to annoy me as the car is so warm, even at 6 am. My blue eyes land on the sleeping brunette on the back seat of the hire care, I am jealous in that moment but also annoyed as we are now behind schedule thanks to both of my friends not being morning people. Don't get me wrong I am not exactly Mary Poppins in the morning but when it comes to work I have a different attitude.

I finally spot my other best friend leaving his apartment. As he approaches my car he flashes me his model smile which only annoys more. He opens the car door and dumps himself in the front passenger seat passing me a coffee which immediately calms me down.

"Peace offering" He says as I breathe in the scent.

"You're forgiven this time Aiden but Carmen will be pissed when she realises you didn't get her coffee" I warn nodding towards my slumbering friend.

"She won't be a wake for ages" He shrugs as I start the engine upping the air con straight away. Aiden raises a valid point about Carmen, she can sleep through anything, no matter where she is or who she is with. We actually got tickets for Glastonbury in the UK a few years ago and she fell asleep watching the headline act. Who does that? I chuckle to myself as I head towards the freeway to star our 5 hour journey to Santa Cruz.

"No Colby then?" Aiden asks after a few minutes of quiet making me sigh. Colby was my girlfriend or at least she was when we actually saw each other. We met at Yale, she was the cool artist and I was the uptight journalism major with very little time spare. We hooked up and nothing really happened after that, there was no way I was looking for commitment at that age, not after high school. I ended up going to an art gallery show about 3 years ago and she was there, showing her work and we clicked. She was smart, kind, interesting and sexy as hell. We started off great but we both got more busy and now we hardly see each other. I consider how to answer Aiden but I already know how this conversation will go.

"She was busy at the loft with the new show coming up" I don't even bother looking at Aiden but I know he is rolling his eyes.

"Spence how much longer are you going to continue with this?"

"Look I know our relationship looks odd from the outside but we are so happy and I love her" I really do love her and when we are together it's incredible.

"You saw each other like 4 times last month! You own an apartment together but only you live there. Does she even have a tooth brush there?" Aiden questioned sounding more and more annoyed.

"We both have busy jobs Aid and not all relationships are the same" I argue and he throws his hands up in frustration.

"Aiden is right Carlin. Your relationship is not healthy" I hear Carmen pipe up from the back seat without even opening her eyes.

"I suppose it's healthier sleeping around like you two sluts?" I reply feeling quite smug with myself.

"Neither of you two have had a serious relationship in years" I continue keeping a close eye on the road.

"Might I remind you that my last relationship lasted nearly 5 years and she left with no warning or reason so excuse me if I don't want to risk that kind of heartbreak again" Aiden replies and I feel a bit of a dick as I am fully aware as to why he acts like he does. The boy had dated Kyla since Junior year and then about 5 years ago she just left, no explanation and barely a goodbye. I have never seen somebody so broken or felt so useless but we got him through it. It became a theme of our friendship, the 3 of us would take it in turns getting a hearts broken.

"Sorry dude, I didn't mean to drag up the past"

"Don't worry it's fine but don't think I am dropping this Colby thing, she is not right for you"

I had known Aiden and Carmen since High School, we didn't really run in the same circles but we all knew each other. In fact I had dated Aiden's ex for 2 years but that isn't how we bonded. It was during the summer after senior year, I needed distracting from a recent heartbreak, Carmen needed to make money and Aiden was bored as Kyla was travelling so we all got jobs at the local pool as lifeguards. It was a great summer, Carmen and I attempted to date but realised very quickly we were better as friends and that I was in no shape for anything serious, we had great parties, we spent a lot of time at the beach surfing together. That summer bonded us for life and no matter how mad they drive me they will always be my favourite people.

5 hours later I pull up outside an amazing beach house that the magazine had rented me for the week, perks of the job. Amazing Carmen wakes up as soon as the engine is switched off and I can't help but laugh at my friend. We all get out to admire the property, it was white washed with a wrap around porch, huge windows and even a BBQ area. I think I've found my dream house.

"Ok let's get everything inside, obviously I get the biggest room" I smile as I grab my surf board and bag from the bed of the truck. I managed to locate the front door key using the instructions that had been emailed to me previously. I couldn't believe the inside of the house, it was stunning, it was like something off MTV Cribs. Carmen and Aiden both looked as amazed as I did.

"Shit Carlin I should have followed you in to journalism. Teaching does not have perks like this!" Carmen stated as she ran around the house like a over excited child. Carmen was the art teacher at high school in the city, she loved it and it suited her. Aiden was a basketball coach at the same school which was a freak accident that neither of them would change.

I headed up the stairs and found the master room, it was massive with its own balcony. I opened the doors and the sea air hit me hard, it was beautiful and I felt at peace for the first time in months. The house backed on to the beach where the surf competition I was here to write about would take place over the next few days. I can see the competition not far away with hoards of people already arriving which meant I needed to get my ass up there asap.

"Guys I'm going to have a quick shower then I need to go to the press office to get my stuff. I'll leave you some passes at the entrance" We were all big surf fans so I couldn't drag them own here without using my job to hook us up.

"Sweet we are going to head to town to get some provisions" Aiden explained as he looked inside the empty refrigerator.

"Get food as well please, I can't live on booze all week" I scold knowing what these two are like.

After a quick shower I throw on a bikini, a baseball cap and some short before a grab my camera, notebook and dictaphone. I fucking love my job, I get to follow all the extreme sports around the country and I get paid for it. I never thought I'd end up doing this but I wouldn't change it for the world. I grab the keys and phone then head out the back door to the beach. I smile to myself as I dial Colby's number and smile widens when she actually answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetie I just wanted to let you know we got here safe" I inform her as I start walking towards the shore line feeling the cool water hit my fit and ankles.

"Got where safe?" Colby asks sounding distracted as always.

"Santa Cruz, I'm here for the week for work" I explained sounding slightly annoyed.

"Oh yea I remember" No she didn't.

"So how is going with you?" I ask changing the topic.

"Super busy babe, I wish I was with you" she tells me and I can't hide my smile.

"You could come down later in the week, the house is huge so we would have time alone" I offer optimistically already preparing myself for the answer.

"Sorry I have too much to do for the show babe, maybe another time" she replies and as much as I want to take her up on the offer I know it will never happen. We have't even had a mini break since we started dating. I tend to holiday with Carmen and Aiden as sad as that sounds.

"Of course, well I miss you" I confess and I do but to just in this moment. I just miss her in general, as Aiden so kindly pointed out earlier we barely see each other. When I have her full attention it is amazing, we click on every level and I feel like the centre of her universe but I rarely feel like that anymore. I feel myself getting upset so I say goodbye and end the call.

I continue my walk where I am interrupted by a little boy with the craziest, curly brown hair I have ever seen. He is carrying a little surf board and is wearing a wetsuit. I can't see a parent anywhere which concerns me.

"Hey little dude where's your Mommy or Daddy?" He lifts his head and looks up at me giving me the sweetest smile.

"In my house" He replies attempting to tug his surf board a bit further.

"Do they know you're out here?" I question worrying he might be lost or on the lamb.

"I'm not supposed to be" He admits honestly and I can't help but smile.

"OK dude you're not really meant to be talking to strangers but I am worried about you being out here on your own. Where is your house? Do you know?" He looks at a house that is about 4 houses away from the house I am staying in.

"How about I walk you back there and give you a hand with that board?" I offer but he looks upset.

"They keep arguing and I don't like it" He tells me and I feel my heart melt slightly, poor kid. I kneel down to his height and offer my hand.

"My name is Spencer. What is your name?"

"Holden"

"That's an awesome name, in fact that is the name of the main character from my favourite book" He smiles widely and takes my hand.

"My Momma tells me that too"

"She's a smart lady"

"Do your parents argue?"

"I don't live with me parents anymore but when I was little they did but you know sometimes adults argue. I know it can be a bit scary but it doesn't mean anything. Sometimes adults are just silly but I am sure your parents don't mean to upset you"

As we get closer to the property he pointed out I see a frantic man with curly dark hair running towards the sea. Holden looks up at me and frowns.

"That's my Daddy, do you think he will be mad?"

"No I am sure he is just worried" I reassure him.

"What is your Daddy's name?"

"Jack"

I yell to Jack, waving the arm holding the board. He spots us and comes running over, he looks distraught and tired. He drops in front of Holden and looks as if he is checking him over.

"Holden you know you should never be on the beach without me or Momma" He states sounding worried.

"I spotted him not far away from here" I explain feeling slightly out of place. The guy looks at me properly for the first time and smiles sweetly, in fact I am pretty sure he checks me out so I do up my bikini self-consciously.

"Thank you…." He states wanting my name holding out his name. He seemed to have gone from caring Father to a creeper.

"Spencer and you're welcome" I reply trying to be polite.

"Holden take care dude" I state feeling weird and wanting to leave but he is still staring at me.

"Say thank you to the pretty lady buddy" Jack instructs and gag a little.

"Thank you Spencer. Daddy can we go see Momma now" Jack looks almost annoyed at the mention of his other half which only makes me dislike him more. He finally takes his eyes off me and I wave goodbye, making a quick exit.

I head to the competition to get my shit together and actually do my job. On my walk I try to shake just how creepy and inappropriate that guy was.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews so far, honestly didn't expect anybody to read this. I love this fandom and I haven't written anything for ages, this is my therapy so thanks for reading xx

Chapter 3

I watched on from the decking as Jack ran down the beach to Holden who was stood next to a blonde woman. I could see Jack interact and even though he checked on Holden he was far more interested in the woman. This didn't bother me as I would probably do the same thing but I was never that obvious.

I have no idea how got so distracted, I mean Holden was a wanderer but he had never left our private beach. Jack snapped at Holden for no reason and it really pissed me off. That child barely saw his father and one of the first things he did was snap at him. Of course it turned into another argument about 'us' and our so called marriage.

I used to love an argument when I was younger, it gave me a buzz and I always enjoyed the make up sex especially with my high school girlfriend. With Jack our arguments always ended with him leaving sooner and staying away longer which I really didn't mind but it hurt Holden.

They are heading back towards me so I move closer so I can check my soon is ok. Jack smiles that cute smile and picks up Holden so I can see him properly.

"What we're you thinking buddy? You know you should never go to the beach on your own" I semi scold as I take my son from Jack. Holden looks at me with those chocolate eyes and I melt over and over.

"Sworeeee I don't like yelling" Holden admits breaking my heart. We normally keep are arguing until we are alone but today was different Jack was just an ass and I couldn't hold it in.

"We're sorry buddy, we didn't mean to upset you I promise" Jack replied looking upset that he had caused our son any distress.

"Sometimes Momma and Daddy argue but we still love each other" I'm lying to my son, I'm lying to myself and I am lying to my husband. Jack kisses Holden on the forehead and then me, I force a smile back.

"Can we go now?" Holden sighs as he wriggles free putting on his baseball cap. I catch my reflection in the mirror and don't remember looking like this. I look plain, I don't look like me anymore and that makes me immediately sad. I'm only 27 yet my cargo shorts and vest top make me look about 45 which is depressing. I understand that looking after my son is far more important than feeling attractive but fuck do I miss feeling hot.

"You guys go ahead and I'll meet you there" I instruct with a smile and I head upstairs immediately rummaging through my wardrobes which are mostly full of plain clothes which I would never choose. God when did this happen? When did I lose Ashley? All these questions are spinning through my head making my dizzy. I finally locate some of my actual clothes at the back of the wardrobe and I yank them out causing complete chaos but I don't mind. I smile to myself as locate a black pinstripe waistcoat that I used to wear as a top with the brightest bra in my closet, I probably won't go that extreme though.

I grab a pair of denim shorts and my favourite polka dot bikini, getting changed quickly and I can't help but smile as I admire my reflection. Luckily all the running and surfing has kept me in shape. I quickly curl my hair and let it hang loose rather than scrapping it back into a pony tail. The final touch is some black eyeliner and for first time in over years I feel a bit more like me.

I already know that Jack will probably make some sort of comment but I don't care. Holden doesn't care how I look, he loves me unconditionally and that is why my heartbeats. The only other person to make my heartbeat was my high school girlfriend but I ruined that in true Ashley Davie's style but I don't dwell on that any more or at least I won't admit to it anyway.

I grab my camera and head down the beach to find my family hoping that the day gets a little bit better.

Spencer's POV

The beach is absolutely rammed, I have to fight my way to the press booth to get my passes so I can trying to get interviews. The weather is at least perfect so I can work on my tan while I stand around waiting.

I finally get to the front, giving the cute girl my name and removing my sunglasses in the process so I can see her properly. I appreciate I have a girlfriend and I would never cheat but this girl was just my type, dark hair, tanned skin and and brown eyes. You'd think my experiences in high school would put me off this exact 'type' but I never over past it.

The girl smiles back and I can tell that she is checking me out which makes me smile, no harm in flirting back a bit I think to myself.

"Here you go Miss Carlin" The brunette says as she passes me my press pack.

"Thank you Jenny" I smile back, reading her name tag which makes her blush.

"You're more than welcome. Look if you need anything else I'm about all day" She informs me with a flirty smile which I return.

"I'll bear that in mind" I grab my passes and head to the crowds to get some photos of the beach set up. I look back at Jenny and she is watching me leave which makes me smile. Still got in Carlin.

As I head towards the competition viewing deck I bump into somebody or something at waist height. Looking down my eyes land on the kid from earlier at the beach. His parents should put a leash on him or something.

"You're not running away again are you?" I ask him and he smiles.

"No Momma and Daddy are just there" He points over to some towels where the guy from earlier is stood next to a lady with her back to me. They don't see me but I watch as he kisses her on the head, wrapping his arms around her. I wonder whether I just misunderstood his behaviour earlier, maybe he wasn't sleaze after all.

"Momma! This is the lady from the beach" Holden yells causing the brunette to turn around finally revealing her face. I swear my heart stopped beating all together, I refocused my eyes on the woman in front of and I could barely breathe. I had not looked at those chocolate brown eyes since I was 18 years old. She looks as shocked as I do and neither of us move despite Holden dragging me by my hand.

She still looks good, was there really any doubt that Ashley Davies would get better with age. I'm still being pulled by the tiny human and before I know it we are face to face. We are touching distance and I think I may vomit. She's just staring at me as if she's seen a ghost.

"Nice to see you again" Jack's voice pulls me from my thoughts and makes Ashley and I break our stare. I look down at Holden who is smiling at me widely and then again at Jack who looks a bit uncomfortable. I need to get out of there and quickly.

"Honey this is the lady that found our runaway this morning" Jack explains looking a bit lost. Ashley looks lost and scared, like she doesn't know how to react. I almost feel sorry for her until I remember that she broke my heart into a million pieces.

"Spencer…." She finally says in her husky voice that I remember so well. Our eyes meet again and I am paralysed in that moment. I have not heard that voice in nearly 10 years and in spite of myself it still leaves me weak.

"You guys know each other?" Jack asks placing a protective arm around Ashley's waist which I am sure makes her recoil.

"We went to high school together" I answer keeping everything vague. Holden has already lost interest in the conversation and is playing in the sand.

"I've never met any of Ashley's old friends, very nice to meet you Spencer" Jack offers and I offer a weak smile in return to them both.

"Look I need to go I have work to do" I wasn't lying I did have work but it wasn't exactly urgent. I just needed to get out as my brain could not compute what was happening. I thought about Ashley Davies a lot over the last 10 years but I never thought this would be her. My Ashly would never be with a man and the Ashley I knew was not Mom material.

"Bye Spencer" Jack waves me off pulling Ashley closer but I see her break free and she's following me. I feel her hand on my arm, shivers.

"Spence wait…" Ashley begs and I stop without knowing why.

"Ashley I need to go" I lie again.

"I…you…." She doesn't move as I leave which I am happy about but it also brings back the memories of Ashley leaving me so many times before. I look back at her and she has tears in her eyes which makes me want to go back to her but I can't. Ashley has cleared moved on and so have I.


	4. Chapter 4

Again thank you for the quick reviewers out there. I will be updating a lot of the next few days and then the updates will slow down a little bit so please bear with me. Xx

Chapter 4

Ashley's POV

Seeing Spencer Carlin stood there talking to my son broke me for a moment, I had no idea she was the pretty lady from the beach with beautiful blonde hair as my son had earlier described her.

She was still as beautiful as ever and eyes give me flash backs of all the good times we spent together in high school but that was quickly followed by how hurt she looked the last time I saw her. My inner thoughts stop me from being able to speak and situation became far too weird. By time I was in control of my brain and mouth again she was running away and based on her response to my request she quickly remembered all the hurt a caused as well.

I wanted to follow her into the crowd and tell her I miss her every day but I was glued the ground. How would I explain the last 10 years? More importantly how would I explain the fact I have a child? With a man?

I feel Jack walk next to me putting my hand in his and I want to cry. This shouldn't be my life, I shouldn't be with this man that I don't love pretending for the sake of my child. I would never have let this happen all those years ago, in fact I was so selfish I wouldn't have put myself in this situation.

"What was that about?" Jack asks and I know that tone. He knows very little about my past but he does know I'm into girls or at least I was when I was free to do so. He doesn't know that Spencer was the love of my life, he doesn't know that I still think of her and that my biggest regret was leaving her behind. I plaster my face with a smile and face him.

"Nothing, I just didn't think I'd ever see her again" I reply vaguely hoping he will drop it.

"She an ex or something?" He digs further making me roll my eyes.

"Something" I tell him not wanting to reveal something he can use against me at any stage.

"You look different today, I'm not sure I like it" He whispers in my ear and move back. I take a deep breathe and try to remember why I am here but old Ashley is creeping out and I can't control her.

"You don't get to tell me how to look" I snap as I walk away sitting with Holden as he watches the first part of the amateur competition. I hug my son and tell him I love him because I do and he smiles back with that perfect little face. I put my sunglasses on so he can't see my eyes well up and we just play while Jack disappears into the crowd.

Spencer's POV

Fuck, fuck, fuck how can this happen? I have gone 10 years without seeing her and there she is with a child and husband. I'm walking as quickly as I can in the opposite direction, needing to get away form whatever the hell that situation was.

"Yo Carlin what you running from?" I hear Carmen ask me as she pulls to a stop. I look at her and she looks concerned. Aiden is nowhere to be seen at this point, thank god because he is not a fan of Ashley or her sister.

"Erm well I am pretty sure that he'll has just frozen over!" I exclaim as Carmen looks at me confused.

"Going to nee more than that Carlin" She tells me as she lead me towards the bar where she grabs us two coronas. We take a seat and I collect my thoughts.

"Well I bumped into Ashley…" Carmen looks at me completely dumbfounded and nearly chokes on her beer.

"Davies?"

"The one and only. Oh yea she has a kid and a husband" I continue and then take a huge sip of my beer, finishing the bottle and grabbing another from he waitress walking passed. Carmen has actually chocked on her beer and is still coughing.

"A husband? As in a man? Like not a woman?" Carmen is just staring at me as if she is waiting for me to tell her I'm joking but I can't. This is not a joke, at least not a funny one.

"Yes a husband! Who by the way I am pretty sure was hitting on me earlier in the morning. But the kid he is just so cute, looks just like her, he has her eyes and her smile" I go quiet as my thoughts pull me in and I can't help it as I imagine Ashley as a Mom. Admittedly it was never something I ever thought Ashley would be, she was always far too selfish and self involved.

"Don't get all Spencer about her! That girl broke you, please remember that" Carmen warned and I completed understand. After all it was her and Aiden that were there to put me back together after Ashley broke me into a million pieces.

"She asked me to go for a coffee" I admit almost regretting that I ran away from her. If anything I wanted some answers.

"And?"

"I ran away and that is that" I swig some more beer and let out a sigh.

"It's probably for the best Carlin. She has obviously moved on and so have you so why open the door to the past?" Carmen gave me her best you know I'm right look and grabbed her phone that was ringing. Sensible me knows that she right on every level and that running away from Ashley with minimal interaction was the best decision that I could've made but the part of my that will always be hung up on Ashley can't just ignore the fact that we were finally in the same town, yes it was only for a short while but it was happening.

I can't help but scan the crowd for her and there she is playing with her son. She looks so good still, I bit more grown up but still beautiful. The two of them look so happy together and he clearly adores her. She's chasing him with her camera, snapping photographs as he runs around like a crazy person. I'm strangely proud of Ashley, as hard as it is to believe that she put her own ego aside for 5 minutes but she seems content. I don't want to ruin that or even think about that plus I have Colby who doesn't have a clue about Ashley. Every girlfriend I have had since Ashley have found our relationship too intimidating and it spooked them so I stopped talking about her.

"Stop staring weirdo you have work to do and I have to female surfers to stare at with Aiden" Carmen drags me from thoughts again and I am lightly resentful.

"You're right. Go have fun and I'll see you this afternoon for the the beach BBQ" I tell her as I climb off my chair and head backstage to get some interviews.

Ashley's POV

I finished tying the laces on my running shoes and let out a deep sigh that I had been holding for the last few hours. Jack had left about an hour ago for dinner with parents at the golf club, luckily I was not invited as they kind of hate me. They only tolerate me so I let them see Holden but even that seems to be novelty these days. They never wanted Jack and I to marry, in fact they tried to pay me off which I would've gladly accepted but that would've involved me terminating the pregnancy which was never an option. They never wanted a bastard grandchild and I wanted my child to know their father hence the shotgun wedding at 4 months pregnant.

Luckily Kyla had turned up later this after to the beach which eased some of the tension as Jack is less of an ass when people are watching. Kyla also helped me wrangle my over excited 5 year old into the bath and finally to bed. She had agreed to watch him while I went for a run as this was my only release.

"Are you ok?" Kyla asks from the decking where she is sat reading a book. I haven't told her about Spencer as I can't deal with the questions and reliving it only adds to the already existing hurt.

"Fine, just had a long day is all" I'm technically not lying I am fine, I'm always fine. She offers me a weak smile and I smile back, probably weakly as well.

"We'll take your time and don't worry about little dude he is not going to wake up anytime soon" She reassures me as I put my ear phones, picking a playlist that will help me block out the world. I head towards the shoreline and the sun is still in the sky but it will soon set. This is my favourite time to run, it's quiet, not too warm and the sky is stunning.

I pick up the pace as dashboard confessional kicks off in my ears, got to love an emo throwback I think to myself. I've probably only hit about a mile when I notice a blonde running towards me, I adjust my position so we don't collide but as I get closer and I shield my eyes from setting sun I recognise the other runner, it's Spencer. I don't think she has noticed me yet or she's really fucking good at pretending. I make a decision and pull out my headphones stopping her in her tracks. She looks shocked but she does stop as she removes her headphones. My eyes run over her body which is glistening in the sun, her blonde hair is tied back and she is wearing a sports bra revealing her tone abs, which she didn't have in high school. She was always perfectly thin in high school but now she was toned and I am pretty sure that my tongue is hanging out. Say words I think, praying I didn't say that out loud.

"You run?" Fucking hell Davies. I could literally drown myself right now.

"Yep" She dead pans looking rather uncomfortable.

"There's coffee shop just up the beach, please just give me an hour?" I sound a bit like I am begging but I want to at least see how she is. She looks a bit unsure, checking her Apple Watch and sighing. Her blue eyes meet mine and she offers me a slight smile and nod. I swear I nearly passed out waiting for that answer.

"Erm this way" I advise awkwardly as we both head towards the little hut on the edge of the beach. I often stop here after my runs just so I have more time. This is the first time I have taken anybody with me and I am so nervous. I am suddenly very aware that I am sweaty, I have no make up and I'm wearing ugly shorts that don't really fit me.

We enter the shop which is near deserted and head to the counter. She still hasn't said anything or barely looked at me which kind of makes me feel like I have kidnapped her.

"Can I just get a black coffee?" I asked the young girl serving, grateful for the interruption. Spencer used to drink black coffee with me all the time in high school, it was kind of a thing we had but I wasn't confident enough to order for her.

"Make that 2 please" Spencer finally speaks and I can't help but smile. We grab our drinks and head outside taking a seat facing the setting the sun. I look over at her and she looks uncomfortable. I am very much regretting this right now.

"So what are you doing in Santa Cruz?" I manage to croak trying to act cool. Spencer has put on her sunglasses on again so I can no longer see those eyes, fuck I loved those eyes…I still do.

"Work….I'm a extreme sports journalist" She explains without really addressing me.

"That's awesome" I reply lamely without much reaction from the surly blonde. I suddenly realise that this reunion is pointless, she doesn't want to be here and she certainly doesn't want to be part of my lame small talk. I remember when she used to get mad at me when we dated, I would always win her around with some sweet talking but I was not that person any more. I just felt awkward and guilty, not the best combination.

"Spence this whole thing is pointless if you aren't going to talk to me" I snap which I didn't mean to do but I was getting annoyed, not really with her but with myself. My words make her remove her sunglasses and she looks pissed, those eyes are burning through me and I don't know whether to cry or vomit.

"Ashley I haven't spoken to you in like 10 years and you broke my heart then fell of the face of the fucking universe. Then you turn up with a child and a fucking husband, who by the way seems like a douche. I have no idea how to deal with this" Spencer was angry and her voice was raised but I didn't mind because she has every right to be this angry with me. I can't help but smile at her which probably wasn't the best reaction in hindsight.

"Why the hell are you smiling Ash?" The fact that she uses Ash makes my heart skip a beat.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to smile Spence but fuck I have missed you and your angry eyebrows" I giggle expecting a hot coffee thrown in my face.

"I do not have angry eyebrows and this is serious" I can't help but notice a slight smile on her lips.

"I know and I'm sorry"

"What for? Are you sorry for this? Are you sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth? Are you sorry for cheating on me? Are you sorry for never explaining any of it to me? Please tell me what you are sorry for" She was more sad now which hurt. I swallow hard and try to find the words but I struggle. Fuck I am a terrible human being.

"I am sorry for it all" I tell her lamely and she huffs, pushing her hair back out of her eyes which are on the verge of welling up. I expect her to leave, I expect to slap me, I expect her to laugh in my face but she just sits there studying my face and I want to hide.

"Tell me what happened" she instructs but I am unsure what she exactly means.

"Which part?" I ask dumbly, terrified of the answer.

"The part where you broke my heart" She replies coldly, the smile that was starting to show is gone and the sunglasses are back. I never thought I'd have to explain this to her and to be honest I never wanted to. Things never actually went down how she thought or how I led her to believe.

I let out a sigh and play with a strand of hair hoping that the floor would swallow me whole but that didn't happen.

"Fine…." This it's going to be hard I think as her stare becomes more intense.


	5. Chapter 5

Hope you are enjoying the quick updates and again thank you for your comments. Im going to keep powering through with this. There is probably going to be quite a bit of flashback action over the next few chapters so we can fill in some gaps.

Chapter 5

Ashley's POV. 10 years ago- King HIgh

I remember the first time I saw her, I was actually in class for once, it was English lit and she walked in all shy. I was immediately attracted to her with her long blonde hair and blue eyes, plus her legs went on for days. The fact that she was little bit shy just added to my crush and I didn't get crushes. I waited for the teacher to introduce her to the class, trying to guess her name.

"Class this is Spencer, she's just transferred here from Ohio. Can somebody help show Spencer the ropes?" I have literally never raised my hand so fast in my life but my stupid sister beat me to it.

"Thank you Kyla" The teacher smiled and led Spencer to the seat next to my now disowned sister. I turned to look at Kyla who gave me a look as if to say she knew what I was up to; she always did. I had to wait for class to finish before I could actually talk to her. As soon as the bell rang everybody was on their feet including my sister and her new friend. I quickly followed them into the hall like a love sick puppy.

"Hey I'm Kyla's sister Ashley I would like to offer you the less lame tour of King High, I see Kyla roll her eyes but Spencer smiles at me so I don't care.

"Hey Ashley nice to meet you and thanks for being so nice"

"Why are you being so nice Ashley?" Kyla asked through gritted teeth making me roll my eyes this time. My sister was no idiot, she knew exactly why I was being nice which is why she tried to get Spencer out of that classroom so quickly. Tips would only be confounded by the fact that I have a slight reputation when it came to girls. Don't get me wrong I wasn't an ass but I was known for getting bored easily so I rarely committed for long.

"Spencer is new and it can suck being the new girl. Just thought I'd lend a hand" I replied with a smile which made Spencer actually laugh out loud.

"Does that honestly work?" She asked with a raised eyebrow while my sister looked on in amazement.

"Excuse me?" I reply a little shocked by new girls attitude and also even more intrigued.

"The innocent 'I just want to help the new girl act?' I've been to 8 schools in 4 years and I've heard way better lines. Try harder next time" She explained with a laughter to her voice. Kyla was practically crying laughing as she watched me essentially face plant with the new girl. I was gobsmacked that the shy girl that only walked into my classroom an hour ago was as sassy as fuck.

"Okay I will. See you tomorrow new girl" Never to be outdone I offered a cheeky wink and headed to my next class with a determination to get this girl. I think it started as a pride thing but soon changed once I got to really know her.

Spencer's POV present day

I studied her face as spoke about that day and she looked peaceful as she spoke. She literally hadn't changed expect her eyes looked a lot less care free than they used to. It was hers that first attracted me to her, they are this chocolaty brown with flecks of gold but I can't see those flecks at the moment. She can't tell I'm studying her as I still have my sunglasses on which is a total defence mechanism, that girl can read eyes like a book so I need to be careful.

"Ash I know how we met and I know how it ended but I what I don't know is why and that's all I care about" I interrupt quite rudely but my patience was wearing thin. She looks a bit hurt but nods her head in agreement.

"I did it all to help you" She finally tells me and I don't know what to do. I feel like laughing in her face, running away and begging for a better explanation.

"So let me get this straight? You cheated on me and then left me wth no explanation to help me? I've heard some lines off you in the past Ash but this really takes it" I want to leave so badly but I need to hear this even if she's not ready to tell me. I remove my sunglasses and wait for her response but she's gone completely silent.

"Ash I'm going to need more than you did for me or this catch up is over" I warn her then to stand up, she grabs my wrist and stops me. I honestly feel electricity run through me when her hand touches my skin, I haven't felt that for years. I instinctively sit back down and wait for her to explain.

"You weren't going to go to Yale Spence and that was your dream since way before I was even lucky enough to breathe the same air as you. You were going to sacrifice your future for us and I couldn't offer you anything. You were set on going to that shitty college in L.A so we could be together and that was not acceptable to me or your Mother for that matter" The mention of my mothers name only made me more tense.

"What does she have to do wth it?" I ask through gritted teeth but the quiet summer air was interrupted by Ashley's aggressive ringtone. I could throw that thing in the ocean right now. She looked more than annoyed as she grab the phone checking the caller ID. She sighs as she looks at it, I can only assume it the husband.

"It's my sitter" She mutters before she answers the phone. I can't but listen in to the conversation or least her side of it.

"Is Holden ok?"

"Ok I'll be there as soon as" She looks a bit manic as she turns back to me.

"Everything ok?" I ask already assuming our conversation is over, so much for getting answers.

"Erm Holden suffers from night terrors and he has just had one. He won't go back to sleep without me there. Look I am so sorry Spence but I need to get back to him" She looks really concerned which is not a look I have seen on her face before apart from the time I accidentally crashed her Porsche while learning to drive. The concern was for the Porsche not me though I think to myself.

"It's fine go, this is probably not going to get us anywhere. You're married with a child and I'm in a long term relationship. Hashing up a relationship from 10 years ago isn't going to achieve anything" I advise and she looks more hurt than before. I actually feel bad, she is clearly trying to give me the closure I asked for and here I am being a complete bitch as usual.

"Fuck look I'm sorry, I'm always set to bitch mode. Look I'm here all week for work so here's my cell, text me and we can continue this horrible conversation" I offer and I will probably regret this but I need to know what the hell happened to our relationship and what led her to the life she is living. She smiles the first genuine Ashley since I saw her at the beach today and I feel my frosty exterior melt slightly.

"Fuck I've missed you" She replies throwing back her head in what I can only assume is annoyance. For a second lose control of my body and I hug her. I hug the girl that broke my heart, that ran way and that never came back for me. In that moment I felt 17 again, I felt safe in her arms and I didn't want to let go. We stayed in the embrace for a short while before I finally broke it feeling a bit too vulnerable and also still pissed at the brunette standing in front of me.

"See you soon Ash" I say as I watch her jog away, I decide to wait until she is out sight before I continue my run as my place is literally a few doors over from her but she doesn't need to know that. I drop my head into my hands and think about what the hell just happened and I try to process the limited information I was given. I also can't help but think back to those early days, we were so young and care free.

Spencer's POV 10 years ago

Hanging at the Davies mansion became a standard Saturday night social event. Kyla had been a good friend early on and I was lucky that her group of friends had welcomed me so quickly. I was an army brat through most of school, my Mom was an army doctor so we travelled a lot but after leaving the army she promised my brother and I that King High would be our last school which made me feel more like making friends. It was also the first school I was opening gay at which was strange to begin with but it turns out that King has quite a large gay population including Kyla's sister Ashley. I had heard the stories from other students about Ashley's antics but I had never seen anything to support the stories apart from hitting on me regularly which if I'm honest I really don't mind.

I'm pulled from my thoughts by idiot twin brother dive bombing into the pool and splashing us. I hear that husky laugh next to me before she calls my brother an ass hat, getting more of my approval. I look to my right and she is sat next to me in a polka dot bikini with wet hair and shiney, brown skin from a mixture of sun lotion and the water. She's looking right back at me and I feel slightly frozen, Ashley has this effect on me. We had been flirting on and off for a couple of months now but neither us had tried to make a move. So we would flirt, share stolen glances but that would be it and it was driving me insane. I wanted that girl but I was sometimes unsure as to whether she really wanted me or whether I was just a challenge to her.

I had asked Kyla what she thought and she agreed that Ashley was acting differently, there were no one night stands, no late drunken notes and she was attending school regularly which Kyla couldn't explain as none of those things had happened before. Not really much help so I tried to up the flirting when we were alone and we almost kissed, I swear we did but Aiden walked in and ruined the moment.

She's still looking at me with those eyes and I can't help but smile back. This girl is driving me insane.

"What?" I finally ask feeling too much pressure from her stare. She doesn't flinch, she just carries on looking at me.

"You're beautiful" That was all see said in her husky voice before duck diving into the pool and appearing at the other end. My breathe was stuck in my throat and I could feel the blush on my cheeks. I couldn't get my head around her actions, was just messing with me? Was this just a game to her? I continue my internal battle as everyone continues to have fun around me including Ashley.

"Trying to figure her out?" A male voice next to me asked pulling my from my staring competition with the palm tree. I look to my side, the same side Ashley was sat not too long ago and there was Aiden. He was Kyla's boyfriend and according to rumours Ashley's ex but this was yet to be confirmed. He was sweet and good looking for a guy but I hadn't spent that much time with him.

"I hear you may have some insight?" I question possibly pushing my boundaries considering I was the new girl but I needed help. He laughed and rubbed his stubbly chin.

"We dated for like 2 weeks in freshman year but she realised she was gay and I realised I liked her sister so we just stuck to being best friends which gives me a pretty good understanding of her inner workings if you want some help?"

"I'll take anything you're giving because I have no idea" I confess feeling slightly embarrassed to be begging for help from a boy about a girl.

"Just kiss her" He tells me and I scoff thinking about the previous time I had attempted that only to be denied, well sort of.

"You suck at advice dude"

"Look Ash likes to be in control and despite her bravado she is scared of liking somebody. If she makes the first move and you reject her then she would be devastated"

"What if she rejects me genius?" I challenge with a raised eyebrow.

"Trust me she won't" He assures me with a wink before jumping back into the pool. I can see Ashley watching me, she thinks I don't notice because she has those oversized aviators on but I know, I always know. I decide to head inside to get a drink hoping that Ashley will follow me. I saunter past her knowing that I look good in this bikini so I know she is watching me leave. I completely ignore her which takes all my will power and I finally make it to the kitchen. The cooling air con is refreshing and I'm grateful for the break from the California sun.

I grab a bottle of after from the refrigerator and press it against my forehead, enjoying the cooling sensation but I am interrupted by wet footsteps entering the room. There she is dripping wet with no towel just looking amazing and she knew it; she always knew it.

"You leaving?" She asks grabbing a bottle of water as well, trying her best to act casual. I smile and shake my head.

"No I just needed hydration" I tell her and she looks at me weirdly. Fuck this I think to myself, I cannot deal with this I any more. I move closer to the brunette stood next to me and I take the water bottle out of her hand placing it on the counter next to mine.

"What you doing Spence?" She asks, her voice sounding a little bit shaky and looking a bit nervous.

"What you're too scared to" I whisper as I close the gap between us, pressing our lips together, finally tasting her lips which had a slight tinge of sun lotion. Confident she wasn't pulling a way in absolute horror I a place my hand in her messy, wet hair and apply some pressure which intensifies the kiss even further. I feel her damp hand on my waist and we move closer together, the kiss getting more and more passionate. We continue like this before I eventually pull back needed oxygen.

We are still close together and her eyes are dark with passion and I can only assume mine are the same. She is looking right at me, like she is trying to find the words to tell me I've misread the situation and I see her lips start to form words.

"Wow" It was barely a word but I didn't have time to worry about that because her lips were on mine again but this time a bit softer and less desperate. I decide in that moment that I want to kiss Ashley Davies for the rest of my life.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank again for the reviews, all appreciated. Sorry to the reviewer that doesn't like the idea of 'another' Ash screws up story. Best advice I can give for that is don't read it bab

Everybody else please continue to enjoy

Spencer's POV

I officially feel more frustrated than ever have when it comes to Ashley. I didn't really have any answers other than my Mother may have been involved. I down the last of my water as I approach the house and I can see Aiden and Carmen grilling on the deck. Carmen already knew about Ash which meant that Aiden did by now, those two were like teenage girls together.

"Good run?" Aiden asks as he hands me a beer which I happily take, popping the top off.

"Eventful" I reply dropping down on to a chair with a sigh.

"Carm told me about Ash" He tells me and Carmen smacks him around the head playfully.

"Fuck Dennison you couldn't wait two minutes?"

"I just saw her again" I tell them and they both look over excited.

"Well?" Aiden encourages like the big gossip that he is.

"We sort of spoke about the past" I tell lamely as I sip my beer, they both look disappointed.

"Did she explain the vanishing at? Or I don't know the fact she is married to a fucking man and has a child?!" Carmen can be dramatic but she had a point. I had come away from the awkward interaction with nothing, no answers, no closure, just nothing apart from my other being mentioned.

"Not really other than hinting that my Mother might have been involved"

"Of course Paula fucking Carlin was involved" Carmen exclaimed rolling her eyes and earning a nod from Aiden.

"I don't know for sure as she got a call from her babysitter and left but I did give her my number" I cringe as I say the last part. Carmen and Aiden both throw random bits of rubbish at me while booing. I bat away a few bottle tops and give them a warning look.

"I get it guys, I do but I have spent the last 10 years pretending that Ashley Davies' never existed and now we are here and so is she, in fact she is like 4 houses away from us" Shit I should not have said that, I see the excitement in their eyes and they are on their feet before I can even move.

"Fuck guys get back it here or I'll kick both of your asses" I yell as I follow them on to the sandy beach. They both come to a stop though, looking at me.

"Which one Carlin?" Carmen asks and I shake my head, crossing my arms to show my defiance.

"Are you two dumb enough to honestly think I would tell you?"

"Well it won't take long to figure out or to get the info from you" Aiden replies with a smug smile as he edges towards me. Carmen also starts creeping forward with a sneaky smile.

"Tell us Carlin or you're going in the ocean" Carmen threatens.

"Don't be children"

"Just tell us Spence, this doesn't need to turn ugly" Aiden replies as he gets even closer, they have me cornered but I am faster.

"Not telling" I reply as I grab the hose from the wall spraying the both. They both scream and lunge at me, I make a quick dodge and run away, my feet hitting the soft sand. Fuck sand is hard to run on I think as I stumble slightly. Aiden is right behind and takes advantage of my stumble, scooping me up in his arms I know I'm screwed. He throws me over his shoulder and I try my best to wiggle free but the boy is strong.

"Last chance Carlin" He offers as he approaches the shoreline but I remain defiant.

"NOT TELLING!" I yell with a deep laugh.

"Wrong answer" He tells me as he launches me into the ocean which is no longer warm as the sun has nearly set. I go under with a scream and bop my head out to see my two best friends laughing and high giving each other. I can't help but laugh with them as I stand up splashing them both.

Ashley's POV

I had been sat on decking enjoying a glass of wine when I heard the commotion, standing up I looked up the beach and that's when I spotted them. Spencer, Aiden and Carmen messing about in the waves, they all look so care free and happy. I can't help but feel jealous and sad, that could have been me.

I'm relieved that Kyla has already left so she didn't see Aiden. No matter what she tells me I know she misses that boy and that I'm the reason they broke up. She tells me otherwise but I know the truth and I feel guilty for it all the time.

I need to tell her that he is here, I don't want her having a surprise liaison with her 'one that got away'. I'll tell her in the morning, I just didn't have it in me this evening after leaving Spencer. My mind is muddled and I can barely string together a meaningful sentence.

I feel awful that we were interrupted but equally I was relieved, I wasn't good at telling the truth or admitting fault. I knew deep down that it was all my fault, no matter how much I try to convince myself that I did it for Spencer and her future.

I'm surprised that Spencer has given me her number, I'm scared to actually use it, in fact I feel 17 again. However, the small gesture has given me hope, hope that I can make amends, hope that I can feel something again.

They are heading back up their house now and I can't help but admire Spencer. She is so beautiful it psychically hurts to look at her and not to be able to kiss her. She was the best kisser and I missed kissing her.

Ashley's POV 10 years ago

It's been 3 days, 6 hours and 27 minutes since Spencer kissed me in my kitchen. In that time I have turned into a socially awkward, virgin like idiot and she knows it. I have no idea how to act around her anymore. Not to sound big headed but typically I know how to act around girls that I like, I have even been known to take advantage of girls that I like but now I can barely look at Spencer.

She's currently talking to my sister about something in the garden, she looks so pretty and happy. The sun has just set, putting the garden in a nice summer evening glow. I smile to myself and think about my next move. We haven't kissed again, in fact our make out session was rudely interrupted by stupid sister and since then we haven't been alone.

"Dude you look a bit stalkery" AIden tells me making me jump.

"Fuck Aiden! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that" I snap trying to act casual.

"Heard you guys finally kissed" He tells me with that cocky smile.

"Yep and now I have no idea what to do" I admit feeling like a dumb girl.

"Come on Ash don't be stupid, you have dated loads of girls before"

"Yes but I think she's different" I shy like some love sick teenager which is exactly what I am.

"Just turn on the Davies charm and ask out her out. You already know she likes you so that takes out the what if factor' Damn he actually makes sense, never thought that would happen.

"Fuck you're right" I tell him as I walk to the garden. I march over to where Spencer and Kyla are sat talking. Come on Davies you can do this! Without a word I take Spencer's hand and pull her with me as I head to the pool house, the closest place that will give us some privacy.

"Ash what you are doing?" She asks me as I close the door behind us. Come on Davies don't screw this up.

"Will you go on a date with me? I have no idea where to or when but will you?" I think I could pass out as I look into those blue eyes with all the hope in the world.

"Actually…I kind of wanted to talk to you about that" Well this is what it feels like to have your heart ripped out. I hate Aiden and his stupid advice.

"It's cool, don't worry….mixed signals. My bad" Kill me now, please world just take me. Great now she's laughing in my face. Yep, this is horrible.

"Ash just come with me" She laughs as she takes my hand, leading me out of the pool house and to the back of our large garden. I follow her aimlessly because I have no idea what else to do plus I never want to let go of her hand. I am so focused on the feeling of her hand in mine that I don't realise we have stopped walking and she's stood there right in front of me, the she steps to the side revealing mine and Kyla's old childhood wooden playhouse. It is covered in fairy lights, with flowers inside and small candles. A blanket is laid out on the floor with food and drink. I look at Spencer confused by the sight in front of me.

"So I thought as I made the first move that you might ask me on a date but you didn't so I took things into my own hands…again" She explains with a playful smile, still holding my hand might I add. Come on brain please don't let me down!

"You make me nervous Spencer and nobody has ever done that to me before" I confess feeling slightly exposed but I want her to know what she does to me.

"Ash I feel the same, before I kissed you I thought I was going to vomit"

"Thanks" I laugh pretending to be offended by her odd choice of words. She offered me a huge smile and I ignored the nerves pulling her in for another kiss. All the nerves were gone this time, it just felt right, it felt like this is who I should always be kissing.

Ashley's POV- Present day

I was actually awake before Holden this morning, mostly because Jack was home which meant he was in bed with me. The only guy I was happy to have in my bed was Holden but I didn't wake up to him today. I woke up to a hung over Jack who had rolled in during the early hours of the morning smelling of booze and cigars. Luckily he had stopped trying it on with me years ago, in fact we had had sex a total of 5 times, 1 of those was the night Holden was conceived and the rest I was drunk.

I didn't let Jack occupy my mind for too long as we would be gone later today. He was taking Holden to the 2nd day of the competition so I had a day free which was rare. Normally I would struggle to fill my free days but I had plans today. I just needed to build up the courage to call the number that had been freshly entered into my phone last night by a beautiful blonde.

"You seem unusually happy" Kyla's voice surprises me, I check the clock on the wall and she is earlier than normal. I Still haven't told her about Spence or more importantly Aiden.

"Yea I need to talk to you about that" I tell her grabbing two cups of coffee and signalling for her to follow me out on to the deck. I grab the monitor for Holden's room so I can't keep an eye on him.

"Spill Ash"

"I bumped into Spencer yesterday" I say bluntly knowing no other way of putting it. She looks shocked, then thoughtful and now she's smiling.

"Spencer Carlin, the love of your life is here? And she spoke to you? What did she say?" Her optimism is obvious and I hate to ruin it.

"Yes she is here, yes we sort of spoke but there's more that you need to know"

"Go on"

"Aiden is here with her and so is Carmen" I see her face fall and I feel bad that I have to tell her this.

"Have you spoken to him?" She finally asks.

"No and I haven't mentioned anything to Spencer about you either" She looks relieved but then pale again.

"Shit Ash how are you feeling? Does Jack know who Spence is?" She asks and the mention of Jack makes me shiver.

"No, I told him she was an old school friend, played it down. He leaves again today so it shouldn't be a problem" I hated that this is what my life had come to. I was constantly worried about what would happen if I was ever myself. Kyla rubbed my leg to show support, she doesn't know the details of why I stay with Jack but she knows there is no love at all.

"Fuck I never thought we'd ever have to deal with this" Kyla sighs dropping back in her seat dramatically.

"They are staying like 4 houses away from us" I tell her laughing which makes her laugh as well because otherwise I think we would cry.

"How does she look?"

"Amazing" I smile to myself for a second and let myself imagine what it would be like to kiss Spencer again but I quickly remind myself she has a girlfriend.

"She's happy though and in a committed relationship"

"What about Aiden?

"She didn't say but I have her number and I am going to call her…now….any minute now. Actually I'll just send a text" God I was such a coward. I grab my phone and conduct a text trying to remain causal:

Hey Spence, are you free this afternoon?A x

It was short and sweet, maybe too short and too sweet. Fuck will she even know it was me? I've already pressed send so I can't take it back. My phone vibrates in my hand:

I can do this morning?S x

Be still my beating heart.

Cool meet you at botanical gardens at 10? A x

It would be quiet there and absolutely no chance of Jack sowing up as he hates the place.

Ok see you then

No kiss this time which makes my heart sink a little. I have limited time to worry about a kiss on a text as I can hear the putter patter of tiny feet on the wooden floors. Before I know it there is a tiny person in my lap giving me hugs. I breathe him in and smile contently to myself until I see Jack appear looking worse for wear. I look at Kyla who is scowling, she really hates Jack and I raise an eyebrow warning her.

"Go brush your teeth little dude and I will get breakfast ready" I instruct knowing full well he hasn't brushed as there is none around his mouth.

"Did you have a nice evening?" I ask Jack handing him a coffee which he took with an almost kind smile.

"Yes, my parents send their love" No they didn't , they hate me and he knows it.

"They mentioned about having Holden for the weekend soon" He says this casually like this is a regular occurrence but it isn't. I would never allow my son to stay with those people on his own, they aren't good enough to look after him.

"Jack" I warn but I know where this going.

"They are his grandparents Ashley"

"He barely knows them"

"And whose fault is that?" He snaps making my blood boil.

"Damn right it's my fault Jack. Those people never wanted me to even have Holden and they have never offered him any love or affection. I will not allow my son to be exposed to that environment so he can turn out like you" Fuck I should learn to keep my mouth shut. We are in the kitchen now and he looks pissed.

"Ashley I don't want be this guy but he goes or your life will get very difficult" He says this calmly and doesn't blink the whole time. I swallow hard because I know what he is talking about.

"Jack he isn't going" I tell him again not let my resolve weaken and walks close up, so close I can smell the mixture of coffee and booze on his breathe.

"I am going back to New York this morning, I will be back in 5 days and Holden will be going to his grandparents or else" That was it and he was gone.

"Daddy what time are we going to the beach?" I hear Holden ask as they pass in the hall way. I take a deep breathe knowing what is coming now.

"Sorry buddy but I need to head back to New York but Momma said she will take you"

"But you promised" Holden stuttered breaking my heart.

"Sometimes Holden promises don't stick, you'll learn that as you grow up" Great Fatherly advice Jack. Kyla over heard everything, I can tell because she is giving me that look of pity.

"Hey dude how about I take you? I have the whole day off work and I am desperate for some Holden time" Kyla is straight next to my son and he is smiling again.

"Momma can I still go with Auntie Kyla?" He looks at me with hope in his eyes.

"Absolutely"

"Cool it's the pro comp today and I need to watch so I can get better" He tells us as he takes a seat at the breakfast bar. I mouth thank you to Kyla and serve them both breakfast.

I can't help but optimistic that things are going to get better, that I will figure out a way to make positive changes in my life again and I know why.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

Spencer's POV

Getting that text this morning surprised me, I thought she would take the excuse to run and that would be it. Well she is Ashley Davies after all, what more would I expect?. I had spent most of my night going over everything and I mean EVERYTHING! We were really in love all those years ago, like real love which is rare considering we were in high school. It was never straight forward but it was good until the last few weeks, God it was great. The girl meant the world to me and when it ended I was broken, if I'm completely honest with myself I probably still am a little bit broken. The lasting effect of that relationship has destroyed every relationship that I have had.

Yet here I am nervous about seeing her this morning, nervous about whether I look good or whether she'll like my hair. This should not be happening anymore but it is and I can't help but think that she will always have this hold on me in one way or another.

Don't get me wrong I still wanted answers about where she went, where she's been and where she is now but I wasn't angry any more. I had stopped been angry years ago, I realised we were kids pretending to be adults so it was unfair to be mad when all she did was act her age.

Shaking my head in an attempt to shut my brain off I grabbed my surf board and headed to the beach. There was still a few hours until I need to be anywhere, the beaches were open for surfing this morning and tweedle dumb and tweedle Dee were still asleep so I would have some peace and quiet.

I found a spot and pushed my board into the water, paddling until I was at a good distance. The waves were limited today, hopefully they picked up for the competition later otherwise it wouldn't be too fun to cover. The sun was warm and was beating down on my golden skin, topping up tan which I was grateful. I watched a wave building in the distance and considered whether it was worth riding, deciding at the last second that it was. I managed to paddle just enough to catch of the wave, feeling happy enough to jump to my feet and wave it in to shore. It wasn't the biggest or best wave but it was enough for a straight run. I couldn't help but smile as I reached the shallows, jumping off my board.

"You still surf?" A familiar husky voice asked me from the edge of the water. I looked up, my eyes meeting hers and her little mini me, they were both smiling widely. I take a second, grabbing my board so I can walk closer.

"Never stopped" I reply simply.

"You're good"I hear Holden tell me, pulling my attention away from his Mother. He is holding a short board and has his own wetsuit and safety vest on, I can't help but think how cute he is.

"I bet you're better" I tell him and he shrugs going red.

"Why don't you show Spencer what you can do little dude?" Ashley interjects and he is in that water like a rocket. I watch as he paddles out like an expert and then I notice we are alone again, my eyes can over her body and I realise I don't have sunglasses on. Ashley smirks at me in a way that only she can and I feel myself blush slightly.

"So no work this morning?" She breaks the silence and I am grateful as I was starting to panic.

"Nah I got a load of interviews done yesterday with the pros. Today I just need to actually watch the competitions so I have something to write about" I tell her taking a seat next to her on the warm sand.

"Don't let us ruin your surf" I look her and roll my eyes.

"You're not ruining my surf plus your Son would put me to shame if I were out there anyway" I reassure her she smiles at me. I really have no idea what to say or do, kind of wish I'd gone surfing with the kid.

"Your job sounds awesome"

"It is for the most part"

"Most part?"

"I travel a lot, makes it hard to put down roots. What about you Ash? Do you work?" I ask changing the topic quickly. She looks sad when I ask this and I kind of feel bad.

"Nope, I was meant to work at my Dad's record label but that didn't work out"

"Why?" Fuck it I'm intrigued. I know that Ashley had her massive trust fund but I knew that she was desperate to work at the record label. Her Dad made her interview for it and everything, she was due to start at the bottom after she completed college.

"Don't really talk to the parental any more. Pissed them off too many times and they stopped getting mad, in fact they just stopped caring completely" God she must have really fucked up for Raife to stop caring, he was ex drug addict for christ's sake. I look at her and her eyes are sad again. What the hell happened to the girl?

"I'm sorry Ash"

"It's all my fault Spence so please don't feel sorry for me" She tried to smile but it wasn't her real smile.

"Look I can get back stage passes for you an Holden. Come meet some of the surfers, chill out and watch everything from the best seats" I had to do something to make her smile again. Her eyes met mine and there it was, there was that nose crinkly smile.

"Holden would literally die" She tells me and I laugh.

"Let's go tell him" I say as I grab my board running towards the water, jumping in to fresh water, paddling towards Holden who is waiting for a wave. I hear Ashley behind me so I paddle faster letting my competitive nature take over.

"Still quicker than you Davies" I gloat as I reach our made up finish line. Holden is laughing and so is Ashley.

"Guess what buddy?" Ashley says as she sits up on her board, damn my stupid eyes checking out her abs as she sit up. Stop it Carlin you have a girlfriend and this person broke your heart.

"What Momma?" Holden asks, eyes still on the waves.

"Well Spencer has offered to take us backstage at the comp so you can meet the guys" She tells him and his eyes light up, fuck that smile is too cute. He looks between Ashley and I in complete disbelief.

"Really? Oh my god, I need to get my posters and tell auntie Kyla"He shouts as he looks for a wave to ride in. My ears prick up at the mention of Kyla.

"Kyla? She's here?" I ask completely distracted by this information. Ashley looks at me and her expression has changed again.

"Baby, you paddle in. We will follow in a minute" Ashley tells him and off her goes without a second thought.

"Kyla lives here, not with me but she moved here when I did" Ashley explains as she runs her finger tips through the water.

"Wow, Aiden is with me" I reply and she nods her head implying she already knew.

"I told Kyla this morning"

"I'll talk to him"

"Do you still want to meet up?" She asks obviously concerned that I'll change my mind and part of me wants to do but I know this is the only way I can move on.

"Of course, I'll put the tickets in Kyla's name?" I suggest and she looks relieved in that moment. She looks at Holden waiting on the beach for her and then back to me.

"You look good Spence" She tells me before paddling off and catching a small wave. I watch in amazement as she stands up with such grace and beauty, riding the wave with such ease. I can't help but admire her body again and smile to myself.

I stay out in the water for another hour or so then head back to the house hoping Aiden is still there. I drop my board onto the rack and grab some water from the kitchen. I hear Aiden singing to himself as he walked down the hall way, looks like he's in a good mood.

"You've been gone a while" He points out with that goofy smile.

"I kind of bumped into Ash on the beach and her son" He smiled politely but I know where his brain is going.

"How did that go?"

"Alright…um I kind of found out something that I need to tell you"

"Ooookkkkayyyy" He leans against the table and gives me his full attention.

"So Kyla lives here as well. She's been here since you guys broker up by the sound of it" I get it out fast and he looks calm, too calm. "I have offered some backstage passes to the kid and Kyla" I add and he continues to remain quiet which makes me nervous.

"Who knew a quiet week in Santa Cruz could bring so much drama?"

"You ok?" I ask because he's acting weird and I am a slightly concerned.

"Yes…sort of. I really don't know but it all makes more sense now. God the Davies sisters must work from the same break up hand book" He jokes and I can't help but laugh at his dry sense of humour. Kyla broke Aiden as much as Ashley broke me.

"She know's you're here, Ashley only told her this morning though. I can't believe you dated both of them" I laugh and he joins in with me. We both know the next few days will probably be tough but I think I'm ready for it.

"I can't believe I might see her after 5 years of nothing" Aiden sighs sharing his head, that's the reaction I was expecting. Aiden was too sensitive not feel the weight of this situation.

Aiden's POV – 5 years ago

I couldn't help be wonder what the hell was going on with my girlfriend over the last few weeks. We had been dating for 7 years now but this was the most distant she had ever been with me. She kept disappearing off every weekend an she told me it was to visit family or she was working.

She had been working at her Dad's record label as his PA for about 4 years and she loved it but it kept her busy an away from me. I had questioned her a few times about the disappearing act but she would just smile and tell me not to worry.

It decided it was time to take things into my own hands I had decided I was going to propose. I had even spoken to her Father who had given his blessing of the marriage. I had it all planned and I was nervous but I knew I wanted this.

Spencer and Carmen had their concerns but I don't care, I love Kyla and I wanted to marry her.

I looked around the room which looked exactly how I had imagine it. I had lit over 500 candles with the help of Carmen, there were roses and petals on the floor. I even had trays of Kyla's favourite candy for her. The ring was my grandmothers and I had even had it sized thanks to Spencer who despite her concerns still helped me.

I had called Kyla and told her that I wanted to speak to her about something important. I was so excited, I would finally be making Kyla Davies my wife.

I hear the bell of my apartment buzz and I basically run to the door to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's me" It's Kyla and she doesn't sound happy, probably a bad day at work. I open the door ready with the ring in my pocket, fuck my heart is pounding.

She appears around the corner and she looks beautiful, yes she's been at work all day but she still takes my breathe away. Her eyes look puffy but she still offers me a smile.

"Hey beautiful" I open the door and lead her in, waiting for her reaction. She enters the apartment and she is just silent. I see her scan the room trying to take it all in and that's when I realise this silence is not good.

"Aiden we need to talk baby" She looks at me and there are already tears in her eyes.

"What's up?" I ask dumbly. She takes my hand and leads me to the sofa, paying no attention to decorations in the room.

"I can't do this Aid, this is too much" I'm searching her face for a clue because I have no idea what is going on.

"Ignore this, it can wait baby. Just tell me what is happening. Why have you been crying?" I run my thumb across her cheek but she pulls away.

"I'm leaving Aid, I'm moving a way. We can't be together any more" I feel like everything is happening in slow motion. I can't process what she is telling, I look at her and she looks away.

"Kyla this makes no sense please explain it to me. We can work this out" I was begging now but I didn't care. She wiped her wet eyes and took a deep breathe.

"Aiden I'm leaving L.A I don't want to be with you any more. We have drifted apart and I can't pretend…..I am so sorry"

"7 years Kyla, what the fuck?" I'm beyond confused, I play with the ring in my pocket and I start to cry. She removes her hands from mine and stands up, she kisses me on the forehead and just leaves. I don't move, I don't peak, I just watch her leave. I just watch the woman I want to marry leave me and I have no idea where or why.


End file.
